Why can't Japanese people speak English?

I think the reason Japanese people can't speak English very well is that they are hamstrung by their phonological system and by the nature of their grammar. Let's start with phonology:

Problem 1. No codas. An English syllable is made up of an onset (a consonant), a nucleus (a vowel), and a coda (another consonant) (together, CVC). There is, for the most part, no coda in Japanese (except for 'n' (which is much like a vowel, actually)). There are also hardly any complex onsets (except for a few, which are actually a consonant mixed with a 'y' ('ky', 'py', etc.), which in Japanese behaves more like 'i' (a vowel). Try explaining how to pronounce the word 'twelfth' (CCVCCC) to a kid who can only make CV sounds.

Problem 2. Japanese rejects diphthongs. Now, I know that in Japanese you can have more than one vowel sound in a row, but they aren't blended like they are in English. The only exception I can hear in Japanese is 'y' sounds, which Japanese people say like 'i'. For example, 'ya' is pronounced as a diphthong-ificated (ridiculous made up word, in case you couldn't tell) 'i' + 'a'. 'Yu' is 'i' + 'u', and 'yo' is 'i' + 'o'. That's why Japanese people can't tell the difference between 'year' and 'ear'. Because 'yee' is just 'i' + 'i', which is merely 'i'.

And forget triphthongs. 'Out' (VVVC) is out of the question. It gets pronounced 'aah oo toh' (V V CV).

Problem 3. And then they have no vowels. Come on, 5 vowels? What is this, Tagalog? You need like 17 vowels (give or take) to speak English.

Problem 4. In English, 'r' and 'l' should (in my opinion) be classified as vowels. That's how they behave. In Japanese, 'r' is very consonant-ey (also a made up word). That's why they have such a hard time saying it. We should just tell students to treat ‘r’ and ‘l’ as vowels.

Problem 5: In Japanese, many sounds (especially vowel sounds) are cut off with the throat, while in English, they fade out (like a good ol' he-sings-she-sings-they-sing-together '80s ballad). For example, Japanese people will pronounce the English word 'me' more like 'meet' (though not exactly).

Other problems: 'Th' is a killer for almost anyone learning English. Stress accent vs. pitch accent is also very hard. There are also a plethora of other problems that vex Japanese people. But really, I think that if you fix the main 5 problems, everything else combined would be only slightly worse than negligible.

By the way, I think that among the reasons Koreans speak English so much better than Japanese people do (despite Korean and Japanese being very similar, except for phonology) are that Koreans don’t have problem 1; [I don’t know anything about problem 2]; problem 3 isn’t so bad, because they have a lot more vowels than Japanese; problem 4 isn’t as bad, because they have a kind of ‘l’ sound; and [I don’t really know, but I think 5 is the same in Korean]. Just those few differences really translate into a huge gain in Koreans’ ability to speak English.

Anyway, here is an example of how problems 1-5 can frustrate a Japanese speaker:

'My name is Richard.'

CVV CVVC VC (V)V-C(V)C

'My': They can't say the diphthong 'ai'. Rather they separate it out into 'a' and 'i' (problem 2). Japanese people often cut off the 'i' unnaturally (Problem 5).

'Name': They can't add the 'm' (C) at then end, although this should be easy to teach, since 'm' is so close to their 'n' sound (problem 1). They also don't have the 'ei' diphthong. They will split it up into 'e' and 'i' (problem 2). The 'm' also gets a bit cut off, but not so bad (Problem 5).

'Is': They lack the correct vowel (problem 3). They also can't tack 'z' on as a coda (problem 1).

'Richard': I think Japanese people would rather tie 10,000 cherry stems in their mouth than attempt to say 'ri' as a kind of diphthong (problems 2, 3, 4, and 5). 'Ch' is no problem, but 'rd' is (problems 1 and 4).

What do you think the chances are that any native Japanese-speaking student would stumble onto these 5 problems, even in 6 years of English study? How about when they are handicapped by learning English through katakana? Forget it.

I just think we should first teach Japanese kids to say, "My name is Richard." If they could say that one phrase, then they would be equipped to begin speaking English.

As for grammar, I think the main problem lies in the fact that on the spectrum of analog to digital, English is analog, and Japanese is digital. Now, I know that prescriptivists (as all good people are) would say that English, too, is digital. That may be true, but not so much so as Japanese. You can hardly mess up one byte of code when speaking Japanese without the entire program freezing. Alternatively, you might think about how one atom out of place can really change a molecule. In comparison, even a large brushstroke out of place doesn’t render the English picture unrecognizable. I think that Japanese people simply take too digital of an approach to English grammar. And that might not be so bad. But how are we, professional oil painters, supposed to teach Japanese students, equipped only with Adobe Illustrator and Photoshop, how to create something that looks like an oil painting? (I know there is a logical fallacy or two in there, but you get my point.)